tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post5364156008022389302..comments2024-01-11T05:51:43.225-08:00Comments on Yoon's Blur: Evolution of an Adoptee: From Certainty to AmbivalenceMilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-80458330175494091772011-07-03T12:57:39.832-07:002011-07-03T12:57:39.832-07:00@ Anonymous-- you wrote : I just wish you would al...@ Anonymous-- you wrote : I just wish you would also share the positives of your experiences and I hope that you understand that "good" does come out of international adoption even if it is "hard". Life is hard but it is good!<br /><br />Here's a link to a previous post that you might not have read that addresses the above statement you made: http://yoonsblur.blogspot.com/2011/04/another-catch-22-i-have-good-life-and-i.html<br /><br />Furthermore, if you haven't already read this post, please do: http://yoonsblur.blogspot.com/2011/03/yes-i-love-my-parents.html<br /><br />There is so much more I could say, but I've said it all before...Milahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-79348842969138330312011-06-15T23:17:54.991-07:002011-06-15T23:17:54.991-07:00Hi...okay...I am going to remain "Anonymous&q...Hi...okay...I am going to remain "Anonymous" because...well...I can. Sorry if it ends up bugging you! I know that this is your blog and you can say whatever you want and I can't imagine the range of emotions that you feel as an adoptee who is now reunited with your birth family. However, as a mom of "bio" children and one child adopted internationally, I've come to be a little, well, offended by some of your statements. And, I use the term statements because you are entitled to your own emotions but sometimes what you are saying may be taken as statements that may offend those of us who are just loving our children and hoping that they feel as loved as they are. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daughter with everything that I have. I love her the exact same as my "bio" children and am incredibly blessed to have her as my daughter. I feel very sad that she has become my daughter out of a sad situation but yet I feel very thankful that good has come out of the sad situation. You see, my daughter was born with a birth defect and was abandoned at birth. Sometimes you state "ideals". Yes, it would be ideal if someone paid money to her family to be able to get her the surgeries that she needed. But, come on, let's be real! That never would helped her in her situation, at least not with her birth country. Do I wish that bad things never happen? All the time!!! I wish that children didn't get cancer, and divorce didn't occur, and tornados didn't happen, and people wouldn't lose their jobs, and government wouldn't have so much power, and babies wouldn't be born sick, and children wouldn't lose their families. The list goes on and one. Life is hard and bad things happen. I can't change that. But what I can do is look at myself and what I have (emotionally, physically, educationally), and help where I am strong in those areas. And, I can also show love, real love. I can help a family who is dealing with sickness, I can try to help my friends who are dealing with divorce, I can help my friend or family member deal with loss of wages if possible, and yes, I can love a child and potentially bring that child home to be loved by her family. I have a training in the exact special need of my child and I was also born with something very similar. So, I feel that we are an amazing fit together. Do I think that she is "lucky"? No! Not at all! I completely understand that her being here with us is because of loss, sickness, pain, loneliness, and someday lots of questions and confusion. But, I know I will not sit by and HOPE for an IDEAL world situation when I have specific capabilities (emotionally, physically, educationally) to DO something and to LOVE!! And, I am beyond privileged to be able to call this amazing little girl my daughter!!! The only reason that I felt compelled to write to you is because I understand that someday my daughter will be reading lots of different blogs from various adoptees. She is a happy little girl right now with a very positive and sweet spirit about her. And, I hope that as she gets older that her heart tends to look towards other adoptees who have that same positive spirit about life and that the she doesn't get stuck in the ideals and negative of life because, well...that's just not life and saying stuck in negatives and ideals doesn't move people forward in growth. I hope that you will understand a little bit of where I am coming from. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel what you feel. I just wish you would also share the positives of your experiences and I hope that you understand that "good" does come out of international adoption even if it is "hard". Life is hard but it is good! Thanks for "listening".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-13764699217978673132011-06-10T10:18:51.812-07:002011-06-10T10:18:51.812-07:00Similar feelings here although I was a domestic ad...Similar feelings here although I was a domestic adoption and not in reunion (yet...). Each biological child we have had (I have five) has definitely brought the "crazy/head spinny" feelings to the forefront for quite a while.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13750119018720696852noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-91245215753842227162011-06-10T06:24:46.477-07:002011-06-10T06:24:46.477-07:00@ Von, that's disturbing. I think it's bot...@ Von, that's disturbing. I think it's both apathy/indifference and chosen ignorance.Milahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-92113469470438391412011-06-09T17:17:11.161-07:002011-06-09T17:17:11.161-07:00Back in the '70's transnational adoption w...Back in the '70's transnational adoption was frowned on by those who believed it would create extra problems for adoptees such as loss of language, culture and all those things you know so well.It came to pass and now those adoptees are becoming adults and able to speak for themselves about their losses.Who is listening? Is it slowing the market? Here in Australia it seems the plan is to have 10,000 babies from China here by Christmas, do we never learn or do we not care?Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-37020429339719494652011-06-09T13:33:16.628-07:002011-06-09T13:33:16.628-07:00I think it is very normal for your view to evolve ...I think it is very normal for your view to evolve over time. My view on intercountry adoption has also dramatically changed, from an ia parents point of view over the last 6 years, and most dramatically over the last 10 months since we have been living in our sons birth country (and seeing the damage that ia does) plus the fact that our son is now a teenager and that will also force you to change your perspective I think. Loss of ones native language is the one thing that hit me hard when we interviewed Davins father on Tuesday. His fathers english was very limited. It we had adopted Davin or he had been adopted to the US, the thought that if he had found his father when he was older but he couldn't communicate with him, was heart breaking for me and was one of the things that really stood out to me that day as I watched them together. As an intercountry adoptive parent it is one of the things the experts coach you on with regards to one of your childrens many losses through IA - their loss of language. But I think it is difficult to really fathom the depth of that loss and how it can profoundly affect your childs ability to get into a deep relationship if they are ever reunited with their birth parents. Fantastic post as always:)Rileys in Ugandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03048346436542193582noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-67116907609564221592011-06-09T12:26:34.401-07:002011-06-09T12:26:34.401-07:00Beautiful and puts words into the same feelings an...Beautiful and puts words into the same feelings and path many adoptees go through. <br /><br />I think that is why I get so upset when someone uses the "I know an adoptee who..." line.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com