tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post6230663469742175065..comments2024-01-11T05:51:43.225-08:00Comments on Yoon's Blur: tip toesMilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-85152155728299015882011-12-21T08:25:24.978-08:002011-12-21T08:25:24.978-08:00@ Tiffany, I am comforted that what i have shared ...@ Tiffany, I am comforted that what i have shared here helps you to know that you are not alone...Milahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-47244142601427294652011-12-20T13:34:14.668-08:002011-12-20T13:34:14.668-08:00omg x infinity! i feel as if all of your words wer...omg x infinity! i feel as if all of your words were plucked right out of my mind and heart. r we all having similar experiences in our own way? it's very cooltiffany tichotanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-89539353261557618412010-03-26T04:32:23.402-07:002010-03-26T04:32:23.402-07:00"Yet there remains an element of insecurity, ..."Yet there remains an element of insecurity, I think, in in part due to the initial loss and relinquishment..." Oh, I think this is SO true! <br />For me, I know it's a wound that will always be there even after a possible reunion.<br />Perhaps that's what I'm subconsiously protecting myself against when not really contemplating a longterm post reunion relationship.Mia_h_nnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-40358478053830582842010-03-21T10:53:02.228-07:002010-03-21T10:53:02.228-07:00It's not so much "tip-toeing" becaus...It's not so much "tip-toeing" because I'm fearful of asking certain questions...many of those I have already asked.<br /><br />It's "tip-toeing" simply because the emotions and the circumstances are still so delicate and raw.<br /><br />Once an adoptee and biological parents have so-called "reunited" there is no guarantee that the relationships will survive long-term.<br /><br />The truth of reuion & post-reunion follows in the years that ensure after the initial meeting.<br /><br />There is an insecurity that remains. Are the biological parents going to change their minds? Will all the complications & secrecy become too much for those involved to bear? Will the language & cultural barriers ultimately sabotage the efforts to establish a solid foundation for an ongoing relationship? These are just some of the questions and looming difficulties and complexities that characterize reuion & post-reunion.<br /><br />There are SO MANY influencing factors.<br /><br />There is simply an uncertainty on both side in the beginning stages, and because in this case, communication is so difficult, trying to establish a strong foundation is very challenging.<br /><br />Even in asking the hard questions and being sincere and honest, there remains a lingering doubt and insecurity that it will all become too much one day...<br /><br />That someone will end up wanting to back out due to all the emotional, psychological, social demands and complexities of the situation...<br /><br />I am not getting the sense from my Korean mother or father that this is what they are feeling, and they have communicated very directly that they intend to remain in contact for the rest of our lives.<br /><br />Yet there remains an element of insecurity, I think, in in part due to the initial loss and relinquishment...compiled with the current long-term stresses of post-reunion...<br /><br />I really don't have a problem asking questions. That's surprisingly not the issue. I am very honest with them.<br /><br />It's more the emotion that characterizes the situation--grief, sorrow, hurt, regret, etc. <br /><br />And I think that's in part why some of the insecurity remains. Because overall I have conducted myself in a very honest manner and have not held back my questions & thoughts, I wonder if at some point it will become too much for either one of them...<br /><br />I don't tip-toe around the questions, but I feel very aware of the emotions that are evoked by the questions that I ask and I things that I express...<br /><br />And in that sense, it's more that we await each others' reactions, wondering whether this time will be the last...Milahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-7734667696437325292010-03-19T01:57:21.504-07:002010-03-19T01:57:21.504-07:00*being overly so*being overly soMia_h_nnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-52900620019127506562010-03-19T01:56:30.776-07:002010-03-19T01:56:30.776-07:00I always find it really interesting, that I often ...I always find it really interesting, that I often have the same experience with reading your blog as Sheri said, even though we are on opposite sides of reunion. It's very educational to me about me.<br /><br />You say, you all still tiptoe around "the burdens you carry". I pressume you mean the more in-depth, confronting issues? Do you not dare to be the first, to start talking/asking about the past?<br />Is your reason for tiptoe-ing that you truely worry, you'd be able to push them away with questions and...whatever?<br /><br />I'm not passing judgement, I just can't imagine that after a year of having you back in their lives and your Oppa's family's lives, they could be offended enough to cut you out again.<br /><br />I know you say the situation's delicate, and I'm not trying to make you feel bad or guilty for not saying more. I'm just curious to know, what you'd like to do, tiptoe-ing aside.<br />Are you frustrated with the way things are because you're dying to ask a million questions, and if so, what's holding you back? <br /><br />I know you be an extremely polite and considered person. Do you contemplate if you're be overly so on the expence of some of the answers you might long for?Mia_h_nnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-29185711993363105942010-03-18T13:19:26.043-07:002010-03-18T13:19:26.043-07:00Sheri. Ah. I always breathe a sigh of relief when ...Sheri. Ah. I always breathe a sigh of relief when I read your comments. Even though it's out cyberspace, I am so happy to be able to connect with you and to know you are out there--that we can relate to one another.<br /><br />Thank you for your encouragement, and reminding me that this is "normal" for what we are going through.Milahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14088039434355591753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068702647356713810.post-76117864111174987472010-03-18T08:45:44.872-07:002010-03-18T08:45:44.872-07:00wow... i can certainly empathize with your plight....wow... i can certainly empathize with your plight. although you are much older than i was when i first tried to write back to my obba...<br /><br />"We’re not old friends who simply lost touch over the years. We can’t pick up where we left off. I was a newborn infant when my Omma last saw me."<br />---> I really like this verbiage. This is a concept I had to continuously remind myself of, when I was wondering why things weren't going as quickly as I thought they should with my mother....<br /><br />i kept thinking, 'SHE'S MY MOTHER. HOW COULD SHE NOT KNOW ME? SHE SHOULD JUST KNOW WHAT I WANT AND NEED! UGH!'<br /><br />but, alas, she did not. because she did not raise me or have the history my adopted mother did... <br /><br />i think it is very poignant. <br /><br />i love reading your blogs, because I *hear* myself saying aloud "OMG! YESSS! OMG - TOTALLY!" hahaha...<br /><br />i hope you keep your spirits up and keep making yourself feel things... they say the only way to a finish line is to go through the marathon. well said.<br /><br />take care - hugs!!sherinalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08382751889192685628noreply@blogger.com