Wednesday, February 25, 2009

out of our Bones

I am feeling something like deflation or implosion creeping into me A sadness An emptiness A shutting down A fear that someone told me--I should not be feeling But I think perhaps this fear is natural in a situation like this Fear of a magnitude that dismantles me slowly. Cell by cell Atom by atom To take down this bomb Fear that clings to me and makes me sob within but not without--because this kind of fear keeps me locked. inside. I know the things to tell myself I know the thoughts that I should think But I am underwater all is muffled all is drowning all is sinking I do not understand. it. fear of being wrong fear of losing fear of the world crashing down he said it will always be something With you there is a lesson to learn here. my life is only lessons. I feel mocked And not. taken seriously. so, she said, tell me, then, how one learns not to fear. tell me, then. your secret. share with me then your genius. and then. there was. only silence. until someone said. there is always something. to learn. so that there is always. something. to grow. to force the stagnancy out of these bones. it is not that you should learn never to fear. it is that we can learn. to unfold. to that rarity. to the peculiar. that anomaly. these days.

to get out of our bones.

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