Saturday, September 25, 2010

"I thought reunion would give me closure..."


"I thought reunion would give me closure...I thought it would answer all my questions, and it did – the questions I had prior to reunion. But not the ones during reunion, and not the ones post-reunion...

I thought seeing my Mama and Baba would give me closure...But it didn’t. Instead I felt the paradoxical emptiness at feeling like an outcast within their home and family structure...because even when I was with them, I still wasn’t truly one of them...

And I can live with the dissonance of not having resolution, because that is what reunion has caused...Being a part of a family, yet feeling like an outcast. Being their daughter, but not really their daughter. Knowing I am biologically a sister, but feeling as though I am not a real sibling..." (adult adoptee blogger, Mei-Ling)

* * *

Every word. I can relate to every word Mei-Ling wrote. Being an adoptee means living with dissonance; it means resolution will forever elude you. It means accepting and learning to live, as Mei-Ling so aptly titled her blog, as a "Shadow Between Two Worlds."

To read the entire post, go to "Reunion Resolution" at Mei-Ling's blog, Shadow Between Two Worlds.

I would also strongly recommend reading the post to which Mei-Ling linked as the "inspiration" for her own post. Some of you might find the language a bit shocking and jolting, but I do think it is very important to expose ourselves, whether adoptees, social workers, adoptive parents, etc. to the range of experiences that compose the collective adoptee experience. Each one is valid and each deserves not only a voice but for that voice to be acknowledged.

4 comments:

Wendy said...

I so agree. Powerful post as well.

It strikes odd each time I hear that comment from other AP's--that M probably has closure now--FAR FROM and really, who is looking for that.

Reunion is not the end, it is so many more beginnings with so many more complications. Yes, some questions are answered only to leave so many more waiting in their place.

KoreanWarBaby said...

Thank you showing us your raw truth. I have not had reunion but found this passage one day that really tells what many of us experience when one lives here for a period of time.

Psalms 69:8 I have become a stranger to My brothers, and a foreigner to My mother's children.

Have you heard of the group meeting at GOA'L for KADS who have had reunions? Nik Nadeau was doing that. Call GOA'L and ask about it if you are interested. I have his cell number but the office should be able to help you.

Don

Melissa said...

@ Wendy, you nailed it:"Reunion is not the end, it is so many more beginnings with so many more complications. Yes, some questions are answered only to leave so many more waiting in their place."

@ Don: Thank you. Yes, I'm familiar with GOAL and KoRoot, InKAS, etc. The network of Korean adoptees out there is amazing. I draw much strength from them. Best to you.

Third Mom said...

The older my kids get, the more I realize that nothing I could have done or said could change the simple reality that Mei Ling describes so well in her post, and you have written about here: My kids will have far more questions to live with throughout their lives than answers, and when the answers come, they're usually in the form of more questions.

It's hard, very hard.