Excerpted from the blog post, "What's the point?" by Mei-Ling at her blog, Exile of Xingnan:
Because yes, “the desire of a woman wanting to be a parent overrides the validity of a woman who can’t support her child.” Because everyone is selfish in adoption, and no one does anything solely for charity (much like the real world). I’m not saying their selfishness is wrong – I’m saying it’s seen as more valid than those who do not get what they want. If people want to adopt, unless they don’t pass the requirements their desire for adopting won’t be any less. They will still adopt, and it will be seen as more valid than those who are left behind, those families of origin who want their families.
That’s the point. There is no balance. There is no change. All the cycle does is continue.
That’s why I’m starting to think adoptive parent allies wouldn’t work.
11 comments:
what is an "adoptive parent allies"?
Someone who advocates for reform, therefore diminishing the need for *more* adoptions, which is subsequently a conflict of interest.
Okay, but then if someone is advocating for reform, how does that become a conflict of interest, unless they are also very supportive of adoptive parents? I am confused.
"Okay, but then if someone is advocating for reform, how does that become a conflict of interest, unless they are also very supportive of adoptive parents?"
I'm not sure why you're confused. The "someone" you refer to IS the category of adoptive parents.
Adoptive parents adopt because there are children who need a home. These children wouldn't necessarily need a home if reform was accomplished, because reform would change the system and make it less necessary for them to need homes in the first place.
Doing all of the above would mean less adoptions and less point of having adoptive parents become parents.
I agree with the opening sentence of the blog I visited "This isn't going to be totally coherent" I just threw my hands up after that. Usually I agree and get so much after each quote. I suppose like anything in this world you can't get pearls of wisdom from every quote not to say they aren't there for someone but not for me.
Andrea - it was pretty much a rant. I wasn't exactly in discussion mode when I wrote it.
Hi Mila! It's me, Kelsey. I e-mailed you a while ago. I know you are very busy, but wanted to ask you if I could add your blog to my blogroll? I am nowhere near as good a writer as you though :)
I always love reading your blog and point of views!
I have to disagree with you... I strongly believe that adoptive parents can advocate for change. I adopted not because I was infertile, but because I had an understanding 14 years ago about the social situation in Korea that caused most unwed mothers to place their children for adoption. I have never agreed with the beliefs of the Korean society that led (and still lead) to children needing to be adopted. My not believing in it doesn't change the situation though. I am very glad to see Korean begin to change. Change takes time. I hope that the new law changes will lead to changes in the social beliefs of Korea and to the end of international adoption. I love my children, and I am glad they are with me, but I fully acknowledge the loss they and their Korean family have faced. I believe that children first and foremost belong with their families. I think that to say all adoptive parents are selfish and can't support reform because it will lessen the number of adoptions is wrong and short sighted. Not all adoptive parents are evil. Not all adoptive parents are trying to selfishly take children from underprivileged woman so they can have them for themselves. Most of us wanted to parent and saw a situation that caused children to need families. As the years have gone by I have gained a fuller understanding of that social situation and the need for change. I now advocate for that change.
"I think that to say all adoptive parents are selfish and can't support reform because it will lessen the number of adoptions is wrong and short sighted. Not all adoptive parents are evil."
It's not about saying adoptive parents are evil.
It's about reform leading to change which ultimately decreases the need for adoption.
"It's about reform leading to change which ultimately decreases the need for adoption."
I get that. And I think that is a good thing. It is something I and many other APs advocate for.
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