Friday, January 30, 2009

a Break

I.

The following is an excerpt from an email that I received last night from my contact at Dillon International:

...She is going to send the pictures of the birth parents, the letters of the birth mother and the letter of the birth mother’s sister to us soon. The birth mother wrote two letters for you and one is written before she received your letter and the other is written after receiving your letter.

I hope we receive the letters and photos from Eastern soon.

I understand you. It is really hard to wait to hear from someone whom you have been wanting to know for a long time. I hope this update helps you while you are waiting for the letters and photos. It is new that the birth mother’s sister wrote a letter to you. It seems the birth mother talked her sister about you. Like you I look forward to receiving the letters and photos. I will let you know immediately as soon as I receive them from Eastern...


II.

I am relieved at least for the slow silence to break for a moment...

Of course, I am anxious to receive the letters from my birth mother and her sister/my aunt...

And I keep trying to remind myself just how fortunate I am to have found my birth parents...and how lucky I am that they actually want to know me...

I cannot underestimate the wonder and fortune of this outcome, regardless of how slowly things may progress and what complexities and mishaps may ensue...

No matter what may follow, I must remember that this is what I have longed for and wept for all these years...

When I grow weary or impatient or ungrateful, I must remember all that my eyes have seen and all that my heart is experiencing...


6 comments:

Third Mom said...

Sending a huge (((((((hug))))))), and a hope that the break and wait are not too long. Hang in there.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Margie! I really appreciate you :) I'm trying to hang in there with each long step at a time...have a fantastic weekend!

sherinala said...

Hi!! Well... your blog is wonderful; you are a great writer. This weekend I ensued the "no matter what happens, this is what I wept for all these years..."

We have to exhaust every opportunity that we have available, so that we don't have the "what ifs..." later. This weekend was a true testament.

My mother (korean) was sick and in the hospital (LA)q. I think she has really strained relationships with my siblings, as nobody else came to visit her. I was there Friday, and left early this morning to drive back to Vegas.

The things in my mind I had dreamed her to be all these years; the nurturer, the mother who I would someday be reunited with would sweep me away, and we could be happily ever after together again... the mother to protect and care for me and most of all, love me - making up for all those lost years without her.

It was a harsh and very painful reality for me, that she is not indeed that woman. But no matter what, everything I went thru, the whole search process... I don't regret ANY of it. Because now *I* have the choice - *I* have the option, and *I* have some control of the situation. And I can write how the rest of the story goes...But still.... she IS MY MOTHER.

if that all makes sense. i think it's so serendipitous that i met you and another adoptee, and we are all at such similar stages in the reunion process...

i hope everything works out for you! Patience is SO hard!*^^* but worth it in the end. Hopefully my stuff will make better sense on my blog...

Melissa said...

sherinala :)

You are so insightful and so generous in your willingness to share your thoughts and experiences! I truly appreciate it...and it helps so much! I am so grateful for you :)

I'm sorry that you're mom is ill...but your heart to be there for her and love her is inspiring and comforting to me...

Your honesty is so refreshing! And I'm so glad you are a fellow blogger :)

Talk with you soon :)

Mei-Ling said...

The anxiety is so incredible when you wait and wait to hear more news. I remember feeling that way too.

For some of us, having received contact from someone we only had "third-source" information from or someone that whom we thought didn't really "exist" is amazing and incredible. It's like those ghosts of the past come alive.

But in my opinion, it is far better to walk into this and learn what you can rather than to spend your life wondering about the unknowns...

Melissa said...

Mei-Ling, thank you for relating and for sharing your understanding! You said it so well...and I totally agree...i'll take this anxiety and waiting over the "not knowing"...the anxieties of the unknowns are much more terrible (that is, for me personally) than the anxieties of the "knowns" to come...thank you again! I appreciate your insight & feedback!