"You need to grow up...I feel you have no gratitude for the good in your life"
Everyone is entitled to their opinion and this woman's opinion, I suppose, is just as valid as is mine. I am not surprised nor unaware that there are plenty of other people, APs and adoptees and others, who would echo the following sentiments and opinions regarding me as an adoptee. (The below comment was written in response to my post, "Not Luck But Choice" at the adoption website, Grown in My Heart, but it was not permitted to post there.)
I don't even have anything to say really. Maybe I am an ungrateful, whining little girl. And if I am, then God help me to change...
All I can say is that I feel crushed, maybe because what the commenter said might be true or maybe because I'm just too weak to handle the scrutiny to which I expose myself. And maybe I just need to shut my trap and finally walk away...especially being only 6 days away from the estimated due date of our child.
The one thing I will say is that this person made some serious assumptions about me (without knowing me at all--my blog is only one part of me) and my relationship with my American family without knowing anything about the nature of my relationship with them. I often don't talk in depth about my relationship with my American family, because I love them and want to protect them...But I guess where I have remained silent, folks assume that I don't have a good relationship with them. For the record (despite the fact that I actually have communicated and expressed this time and time again here at my blog)--I love my American parents and consider myself to be very grateful for them and close to them. And I would venture to say that if anyone were to talk to my parents or my brothers, they would say they feel very loved by me...
I know other people feel the way she does and that just comes with the territory...and who knows maybe I am ungrateful and need to grow up. It's worth considering...I'm certainly not perfect...
But anyway, here's the comment. I share this simply to demonstrate what it is that we as adoptees face on a daily basis and why it's so challenging at times to not feel completely misunderstood and repressed...Also, I think it's a good example of the vastly varying responses and perspectives that characterize the adoption community:
yoon, i have been reading your blog for awhile- and this is the first time i have commented.
i think you are actually quite lucky. lucky does not imply that no choice played a role in you being adopted or finding your birth family. quite often the lucky ARE chosen…that is WHY they are lucky.
i have been following your blog, and i think i am going to stop. it is just too hard to hear what i think is whining on your part.
i do think you are quite ungrateful. i wonder how your adoptive parents really feel about the way you treat them and your adoption on the internet.
i understand the need for APs to have their eyes wide open and not believe they are “saving” a child. I get it.
But the more I read your blog, the more I think you need to grow up and realize that as bad as you had it, you actually WERE really lucky. I think about the kids who lived their whole lives in orphanages. Those who never had a voice. And all you choose to do with your voice is criticize and whine…on and on.
I have lived through intense tragedy. I have buried two of my children, which is something no parent should ever have to do. Yet, I choose to see the good in life and the best in others.
I hope that when you do become a parent, you are able to see things differently. I feel you have no gratitude for the good in your life, and as a result, I am afraid I am going to have to respectfully stop reading your words.