" 'What do you do all day long?'...Writing is not a legitimate answer; neither is cooking or being the full-tme companion of someone..." Kim Sunee, Trail of Crumbs
I often feel as though I have to justify my existence with something grand. I must leave some kind of mark worthy of being given the privilege to live. Simply living never feels as though it is enough to take away the sense of debt and guilt I feel for being alive.
I blame no one for "making" me feel this way. Rather I think it is simply the way that I was born--inherent to the nature of the life that was cast upon me. The way that I was born was the way of one who came into the world already without home or family. And the nature of such a beginning in life is one that leaves me constantly doubting and questioning whether I have yet proven my worthiness to remain.
I am intrigued by the confidence and assurance at which my brothers seem to go through life. They do not seem to question or doubt their right to be here and to take the most of life. I observe this as though it is a foreign land and one that I will never understand.