Friday, October 24, 2008

A Fool's Winter & Her Tree: Still Searching, Still Waiting...

My heart grows weary, longing for someone who may not exist. Longing to find someone who may not want to be found.

Am I a fool? Of course, I am. I would never deny such an observation.

But dare I ponder that not all foolishness is unproductive or detrimental. It is often those who are willing to appear as fools in the eyes of the doubtful who stumble their way into the most astonishing and enlightening discoveries.

To utilize cliché, it has been said that one should not be afraid to go out on a limb, for that is where the fruit is.

Unless, you happen to venture out onto that limb in the dead of winter.

Then, you just might freeze to death, and find nothing within your grip to show for it.

This is my winter, right now. And this may be my winter always.

This limb out onto which I have crawled may never bear fruit. This tree may forever dwell in the bitter shadows of winter.

So, what shall I do?

Do I build a house here in this cold and barren tree? Or do I cut it down?

As we all tend to discover as life goes on, a middle ground usually finds its way beneath our feet. It is often a bit rougher and a bit more jagged than we anticipate.

Yet such terrain galvanizes the strengthening of our hearts and minds.

I will not uproot this tree just yet. And certainly, I am a fool, but not fool enough to build a house in it.

For now, I suppose I will make the rocky trek to visit this tree from time to time. I will water it and tend to it. I will wait and hope. Perhaps one day, its winter will come to an end, and I will find a tiny bud on the very tip of a limb reaching closest to the sky.

And when I gaze upon that tiny bud, I will imagine all the promise it holds—the promise to bloom with new magnificence. The promise to finally give itself up to bear the heralded fruit.

Just as I now climb into this tree, as barren as it is, and cling to its stark and naked limbs, with the same hope and imagination that one day this tree will smite the winter and awaken its dormant verdure and radiance to give forth all the fruit that one can savor.


Mia said...

I'm glad you got your fruit :)

Mila said...

Oh my gosh, Mia...I just read this for the first time since posting it back in October...tears welled up in my eyes! I can't believe it...I'm so glad I didn't cut the tree down! And i can't believe it's blooming now...Sometimes it's a very good thing to wait out the long winter...

And I realize that I am never alone in that tree... :)