Sunday, December 21, 2008

the Blur

What is the significance of "Yoon's Blur?"

For thirty plus years, I knew my Korean name as "Yoon, Mi Ra," because that is what was recorded in my adoption file. Along with the recorded surname, "Yoon," my "family of origin" was recorded as "Namwon."

I began a search for my Korean family at the age of 26, back in 2002.

When I began this blog in September of 2008, only four months before locating my Korean parents in 2009, I chose the web address "yoonsblur" as a reflection of my Korean surname.

Ironically enough, however, I discovered upon finding my Korean parents that my name should have been recorded as "Cha, Mi Ra," and that my biological father's home town was not Namwon. (For the sake of privacy I have purposely excluded the name of his hometown).

Although I have my own thoughts about how this might have happened, no one--not my Omma, Appa, or the agency-claims to know how I ended up with the name "Yoon."

I chose to keep the web address and blog title, "Yoon's Blur" because I think it accurately represents the "blur" of misinformation, poor record-keeping, and bureaucracy faced by adoptees.

In addition, the concept of a "blur" is also a metaphor that, for me, accurately characterizes the experience of life as a Korean-American adoptee. (This experience is somewhat represented in the "poem" featured below.)

What is the purpose of Yoon's Blur?

This blog is an attempt, as stated in the subtitle, to explore human experience and identity beyond the adoption box, specifically according to the perspectives and experiences of an adult Korean adoptee.

By sharing my own journey as a Korean adoptee along with all the complexities that come with the experience of search, reunion, and post-reunion, I hope this blog will serve to connect others with each other and with the adoptee experience.

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I have two "journals" as tabs, "Search & Reunion" and "Post Reunion," as well as a tab, "Resources," which includes links to other adoption-related blogs and sites.

The sidebar also includes links to specific topics, popular and recent posts, related posts whether by other bloggers or other publications, and poetry. Furthermore, there are apps that allow you to subscribe to the posts and/or comments, or you can share this blog via Twitter or Facebook.

Please feel free to contact me through my blog, and thanks for stopping by.

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life is a blur i am a blur you are a blur we are a blur of culture of identity of emotion of thought of families and friends of worlds diverging yet merging so often we seek lines distinct and hard we desire to feel absolute secure so we try to rid our lives of the blur the nebula the fuzz it is natural yet there are some things about identity about life about being human that will always elude the boxes into which we try to confine them the blur is about learning to be brave in a complex overwhelming perplexing wrenching startling beautiful world about precipitating light even when the surroundings seem saturated with darkness about discovering and examining the wonders of the mystery of the unknown of the uncertainty of the ambiguity i am a blur you are a blur we are a blur life is a blur of hope of despair of fear of courage of hurt of cure of grief of comfort of love of hate of finding of losing of learning of ignorance of emptiness of purpose of loneliness of depth of alienation of belonging of undoing of doing of crying of laughing of screaming of quieting of listening of speaking of arrogance of humility of wandering of settling of touching of pushing of pulling of raging of calming of threading of unraveling of hiding of seeking of failure of redemption of rising of falling of becoming of dying of living of fighting of forgiving...


Mia_h_n said...

I know it's your list but what came to my mind is...
knowing/not knowing

Mila said...

Mia, I like it! That's the idea-- that the list will grow and that it will provoke others to think of their own also...

The Declassified Adoptee said...

Melissa, sorry to post this here but I didn't know your email.

The website Love Isn't Enough wants to repost a blog entry I did where I quoted you. I want to make sure it's OK with you before I let them re-post it. Would you be able to email me?

Thanks :-)