And some things I may never tell...
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I.
We're finally back to our house. It is absolute chaos.
It looks like our five pieces of luggage exploded all over our house--you'd think I took a hose and sprayed clothing, packages, gifts, shoes, etc. onto the furniture, across the floor, on the ceiling, in the kitchen...
I feel like I am Mayhem--emotionally and physically.
It's going to take some time to get our lives back together. And even more time to begin merging and assimilating these life-altering experiences from the past several weeks into every day life.
Although we were in Korea for only 12 days, I feel as though we've been gone for months, and in some ways, for a lifetime.
II.
Bear with me as I withdraw at times and try to make these experiences my own--before they are inevitably judged and processed by others.
I feel protective of what happened. I wish I could immortalize the memories and keep them safe from the opinions and notions, the ideas and conclusions of those looking on.
So forgive me if I am slow to speak, slow to share what happened.
Give me time...I have waited over three decades for these answers...it may take three more before I understand them...
And even still, I am aware that there are certain answers that may forever elude me...
5 comments:
"Bear with me as I withdraw at times and try to make these experiences my own--before they are inevitably judged and processed by others.
I feel protective of what happened. I wish I could immortalize the memories and keep them safe from the opinions and notions, the ideas and conclusions of those looking on."
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Take as long as you need girlie - this is the EXACT same way I felt. You want to keep them to yourself - to OWN them, to be only yours... sharing these experiences is incredibly frightening, but know that we love you and when you're ready will be happy to share them with you!!!
I was gonna take the exact same quote as Sheri. Although I haven't gone there (yet?) I know exactly what you mean. The fear that sharing will somehow change things...
Besides it JUST happened! Of course you need time to let it all settle in. And perhaps I haven't given you that impression, but I can be patient ;)
Thank you, Sheri, for all of your support...and understanding.
Mia! No, no, you have not given me the impression that you are not patient :) Quite the opposite...you have been compassionate and patient...so, thank you.
We met M's birth family on our journey as well and of course I am processing it as an AP, but I understand what you mean--the processing, the protecting. It was a short time gone, but a long journey and one with so many experiences and moments that will take a long time to fully comprehend.
I am so happy that you were able to make the journey and find so many more pieces to a puzzle that may never be fully solved. Best to you!
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