Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"Adoptees are not Cultural Bridges" by Mei-Ling Huang

“People are much more willing to listen to those who validate every aspect of adoption rather than those who criticize it – even if the criticizing is not a reflection of how the adoptee was raised in their adoptive household.”

The above is a quoted from "Adoptees are not Cultural Bridges" written by blogger, Mei-Ling--a transracial adoptee born in Taiwan, raised in Canada. She blogs at Shadow Between Two Worlds and Exile of Xingnan (NOT to be confused with Mei-Ling Hopgood who wrote the memoir, Lucky Girl.)


Mia_h_n said...

Controversial comment ahoy...

Again, I mean no offense, but I was a little confused by the several blogs (I believe there are three at least) and disappointed by the much closed and private content. I totally respect not wanting to share everything with everyone but why advertise it to everyone then?
I know that blog posts aren't necessarily meant as debate starters and it's due to my own issues (I know), but it's frustrating in a way to back read a blog (that's a lot of time and head space!) without being able to comment when others have. I feel like I'm being to to keep quiet by someone while they get to do all the talking.

Mei-Ling, if you read this it is in no way meant as an attack on you or your blog. It's just my frustration because the little peek I did have of your blog was really interesting. So it's just bum-ness.
- And I'm writing it here and not somewhere on one of your blogs because it's also kind of my thought on Melissa linking it. I get pouty when something good is dangled in front of me and I can't get to it :)

(If I'm the only one who have these feelings, well, then...this cheese must stand alone)

Mila said...

Sorry, Mia. I didn't mean for you to be disappointed. The actual post that I linked to is from the blog, Shadow Between Two Worlds, for which Mei-Ling does that does not require a password. Her other blog, "Exile of Xingnan" does require a password for select posts, but you are welcome to request the password from her...She has two different blogs because each one is different in nature.

Shadow Between Two Worlds is for more general access, while "Exile of Xingnan" is of a more personal nature with more personal content.

I understand, actually, why she passwords some of her posts on, "Exile of Xingnan." There are posts that I will NEVER share unless I decide to password protect them at some point.

There are some aspects to my adoption, search, reunion & post-reunion process that I simply do not feel comfortable allowing just anyone to read, because of its emotionally sensitive nature. I would not be able to bear random people making insensitive and harsh remarks.

There are certain aspects of my adoption experience with which I feel resolved enough that if someone happens to make an ignorant or hurtful comment, I can take it. But there are other aspects of my experience, if I were ever to be truly open about it, that I would NOT do as well handling if someone were to say something insensitive.

So, I have to defend Mei-Ling in this case. I understand that she wants to protect her experience and not allow the more personal aspects of her story to be scrutinized.

The aspects that she feels comfortable opening up to the public, she does. And the more personal aspects, well, she decides whether she is comfortable with allowing a particular individual to also view them.

We do this when we meet people, or at least I do. I don't just open up with my life to anyone I meet. I first assess the situation and whether I feel that I can trust them with more personal information as time goes on...Mei-Ling is simply choosing to apply this within the blogosphere.

I would probably have a lot more content on my blog, if I chose to implement password protection. [And don't worry, Mia, I would give you the password...] :)

Mei Ling said...

[Mei-Ling, if you read this it is in no way meant as an attack on you or your blog.]

While I don't mind being linked, Melissa actually went again and quoted from Sisterheping, rather than Exile of Xingnan.

That's not to say she can't (otherwise I would have said something about it by now!), but I didn't realize she was going to, so there's your answer. :P

[Shadow Between Two Worlds is for more general access, while "Exile of Xingnan" is of a more personal nature with more personal content.]

That... pretty much nailed it.

Mia_h_n said...

I'm glad to see that I didn't lose too many points. I really do respect both of your's right to share as much or as little as you want. I'm just happy that is anything at all! It wasn't your brave act of sharing itself I wondered about. Never.

I've thought a lot about it. As shown with my little spoiler alert I do realize the potentially touchy territory I ventured into.
I think that if I in any way came across as insensitive, it could be because it's pretty much impossible for me to imagine doing what you're doing. Sharing what you're sharing. And when I can't put myself in your shoes it can be difficult to be 100% sure that I'm not coming across as insensitive.

Bottom line: Me = ignorant (but trying)
You guys = impressive

About the whole blogging thing, I haven't got a clue as to how it works, either. If you don't want (insensitive) people's comments I thought it could just be set up so we can't comment? And if it doesn't take more than a request to get the passwords, well, how do you prevent the less polite from just requesting and then having full access anyway?
Not necessarily questions persey, more just my thoughts on the topic.

Mila said...

Actually, you can simply deny giving someone access by denying them the password. :)

And even with comments turned off, there are simply things that I do not feel comfortable sharing in a public forum via the internet...There are still private matters that I prefer to remain private. ;)

Mia_h_n said...


But like I always say, what you do choose to share is not in vain. I honestly have no idea where I'd be if it hadn't been for all your help :)