Why adoption hurts (Part 3): a List

In Part 1 and Part 2, I discussed somewhat extensively and in more detail regarding "Why adoption hurts." As I continue to ponder this subject, my thoughts are coming together more thoroughly and at least with somewhat more lucidity.

I continue this series of posts on "Why adoption hurts" with the following pseudo-list for easier reference. Hopefully due to its attempted concision (well, at least in comparison to Part 1 and Part 2), this will offer more clarity, coherence and understanding as to "Why adoption hurts":


Adoption hurts because it involves a person being tragically separated from his or her original family.

Adoption hurts because--despite the aforementioned trauma--the general public expects the adopted person to adjust without experiencing the emotional, social, and familial consequences of such a loss.

Adoption hurts because when the adopted person does demonstrate or express difficulty due to the trauma of the loss, his or her family and friends often do not acknowledge or accept the reality of the adopted person's pain.

Adoption hurts because it removes a person from his or her original language, culture, and people and displaces the person into a foreign language, culture, and people from whom the person differs drastically in physical appearance.

Adoption hurts because, although the adopted person may be able to adapt and assimilate within the new culture and language, the adopted person will never be able to assimilate physically due to the obvious differences in physical appearance from the people in the assimilating country.

Adoption hurts because others tend to underestimate and dismiss the profound effects that the aforementioned differences in physical appearance exact upon the adopted person's experience of life and identity.

Adoption hurts because the adopted person often experiences discrimination, prejudice, racism, bigotry due to these physical differences in appearance.

Adoption hurts because when the adopted person experiences the aforementioned instances of prejudice and bigotry, he or she does not have a family of similar appearance to which he or she can turn for validation and identification of these physical differences.

Adoption hurts because although the adopted person may try to turn to those whom he or she does resemble in appearance for validation and belonging, the adopted person may often feel rejected or marginalized due to the inability to relate to the language and culture of these albeit physically similar, but nonetheless, culturally and linguistically exclusive individuals.

Adoption hurts because although the adopted person resembles certain people physically, he or she may experience ridicule and ostracism from those whom she or he resembles physically due to the adopted person's general lack of knowledge of the pertaining culture and language.

Adoption hurts because the adopted person experiences discrimination and prejudice not only from the people in the adopting country, but also from the people from whom the adopted person came.

Hence, adoption hurts because the adopted person often feels consigned to an awful state of in-between due to the rejection experienced from both groups to which the adopted person relates but is not fully accepted.

Adoption hurts because the experience of loss is compounded by the aforementioned rejection and marginalization by both the pertaining peoples and cultures.

Adoption hurts because so many consider all of the above hogwash.